2010: One Damn Futuristic Sounding Year

25 12 2009

It’s practically 2010, are you ready for the most futuristic-sounding year since 2000?

I sure am not, but I am ready to start talking like Captain Kirk of the USS Enterprise.  He was so dramatic, you just can’t help feel like it’s way in the future when you say everything like him.

Even simple communications take on a new futuristic drama filtered through your own version of Kirk-speak:

“Scotty, are you able to you pass the dilithium crystals for my coffee? (No, Jim, we’re breaking up.)

“Spock, did you fuel up the earth vehicle after running your space errands? (Sorry, Jim, I had difficulty finding a docking station at the space mall, and spending further time in the earth vehicle did not seem… rational.)

“Uhura, we have guests beaming in at Oh 400 hours. We need the crew to square the decks.” (Well, Jim, I’m getting my hair done, and I’m getting waxed. Does that count?)

**

In the future, there will be a hair salon on every block but no place to get a bite to eat for miles and miles. 

Wait a minute — that’s not the future. That’s now! Let me try this again…

In the future, all the hair salons will have little snack shops in them, for all the hungry people who wander the neighborhoods and would otherwise starve.  This is my humble dream.





Earth to Dr. Phil: On What Planet is Your Library?

27 06 2007

Okay, I normally wouldn’t watch Dr. Phil unless I felt almost suicidal, but last night I was at the laundromat and natural curiosity caused me to look at what problem the pretty young lady on his show could possibly be having.  The sound was down, so I had to read the closed caption, and Dr. Phil was like: You have got to change your lifestyle, girl, because you can’t handle drugs and alcohol — but that isn’t to say YOU HAVE TO BECOME A LIBRARIAN.”

Excuse me?  What did Dr. Phil just say about librarians?  That they can’t handle their booze and dope????  Hello, Earth to Dr. Phil, I’m not really sure on what planet where you go to the library, but I assure you that librarians are plenty good at handling recreational mood enhancements, unlike that poor young lightweight on your show.  Give her a few years, and she’ll be handling her booze much more professionally herself.

Now here’s a few things, Dr. Phil, that I’m sure many librarians and library workers would want you to know about them.  They ARE NOT: 

1. Saints 2. Goody-two-shoes and/or 3. Lightweights with their likker and drugz.

Okay, Dr. Phil, I hope you can get that straight in the future.  Library workers don’t appreciate everyone thinking that we are all so damn good all the time.  We aren’t that good, I promise you.  Some of us even turn in our books WEEKS late and have been caught saying “libary” instead of “library.”  Yes, we bad.