Warning: Annual Retrospective Season Looms

29 11 2007

It’s that time of year when everyone (in the media) takes a quick glimpse back at the last 12 months before jumping blind into the next 12 months.  Time to revive for one last moment all the folks who croaked, the famous ones I mean, and all the big disasters (especially the ones they have pictures for). They always include a few of the good things that folks might have done, crazy heroic acts and heartfelt philanthropy for some total heartbreak case, not to mention all the year’s developments in the big news stories and in the latest teen idol’s complete disintegration.  

Hard to give a crap about the geopolitical quagmire, but damn I need my latest teen-idol disintegration news just to get me out of bed in the morning, how about you?

Bad Apple also feels a certain retrospective impulse coming on, because I’m celebrating the one year birthday of the Bad Apple Blog on December 6.  It’s been a year of discovery, invention, and strangeness at Bad Apple, and I’m going try to ruminate on the high points, exorcise the garbage, and generally get a handle on where all this rot is headed heading into the great 20 ot eight.

For example, I’m going to take a hard look at potatoes vs. tomatoes.  In 2008, I predict all-out war between the potato and the tomato stories here at Bad Apple. Such vegetable rivalries never end up pretty.

Also, what about the cannibal chickens?  Will they remain misunderstood freaks or will they become the new It-chickens of tomorrow?  Stranger things have happened, folks, so don’t be laughing at my predictions’ predictor, now. 

Well, this is just a preview of the kind of deep bad apple pie-style thinking I’ll be serving up in December.  As a friend, I strongly discourage you from facing the annual retrospective season without regular, inoculating visits to this site.


Bad Marketing Ideas, Potato Category:

3 08 2007

Winner of the week: Mr. Potato Crotch, submitted by the Urban Potato Council.

Winner’s Statement: “At the Urban Potato Council, not every boardmember lays a guaranteed golden egg. In an effort to seem warm, imperfect and approachable, we want — or rather, our PR consultant tells us — to share some of the stinkers we’ve laid over the years.  Okay, that we can do!  This one here’s one the Board president would like to forget.  He only gave it up after a fight – he really liked this idea, which the rest of the board shied away from, for some reason.”

How the Irish Invented the Potato Smoothie

10 07 2007

Ireland may be the last island on the planet to discover smoothie drinks but as we all know, it was well worth the wait!  Now you can read the entire saga of tremendous events that lead to the creation of the first potato smoothie, an immediate international sensation that’s fast becoming a cold-drink classic.

The potato smoothie has been called “Rasta mango meets the pub spud,” and this new book, How the Irish Invented the Potato Smoothie, takes you right into all the key moments in the evolution of the potato smoothie.  You’ll learn how ravers in Northern Ireland met with Irish Rastafarians for one incredibly-consequential afternoon at Jamba McGillicutty’s Juice in downtown Dublin, when that first potato was put in a blender and suddenly, Everything changed.

“The potato smoothie rage is fascinating as a social movement and a cultural phenomenon.  The book offers a sweeping understanding of the unseen forces at work that went into that first potato smoothie, as well as a few basic recipes to get you started making your own.  I can’t recommend this book enough!”  —Professor Ari Laxt, Idaho Tech University

And now, coming soon: How the Irish Invented the Potato Smoothie, The Movie, starring Arnold Schwartzenegger as Jamba McGuillicutty and Angelina Jolie in the role of Little Spud Rasta.


How the Irish Invented the Potato Smoothie was recently named the 2007 Winner of the Potato Book of the Year by the Urban Potato Council and their ongoing P.I.M.P. (Please, Ingest More Potatoes) initiative, which would like to take this opportunity to say:

Please, Ingest More Potatoes. 

Hot Potato Girls Spread Cheese Roast Recipe

22 06 2007

Summah’s here, time to get your potato on.  That’s right, P.I.M.P. is back in the house!  The Please Ingest More Potatoes campaign is how The Urban Potato Council spreads the spud love. So don’t miss the The Hot Potato Girls as they do the rounds in the hoods — and have they got a Cheese Roast Recipe that will flood your mouth with flavah! 

Yep, nothing says summer like a lard-slathered Baby* Loaf Cheese Roast hot from the oven and just crackling with crispy, barbequed cheese skin — nothing, that is, unless it’s a few of those hot baked potatoes to soak up the, er, flavah.  MmmMMM!   The P.I.M.P. campaign and the Hot Potato Girls are brought to you by the Urban Potato Council, who want to take this moment to say: Please, ingest more potatoes.

Remember, DJ Spud Evil Says: Don’t be messin with dat funky low-carb, no-carb junk, coz the potato is really da most fly vegetable in da house.   

*Please note, no actual babies were used in this recipe.  For my baby recipe, you’ll have to see Baby Needs Salt.

P.I.M.P., “Please Ingest More Potatoes” Campaign Kicks Off

7 04 2007

Hey Homies, get your potato on!  Don’t you know potatoes are THE cool urban vegetable for today’s playah? 

The Urban Potato Council announces its exciting new PIMP —  “Please Ingest More Potatoes” — campaign.  Our PIMP crew will be gliding into a hood near you, so watch for the big brown caddies and the Hot Potato Girls — they got eyes and bulges in all the right places! They’ll even show you where to stick your potato, so you can have car-cooked spuds fresh from the tailpipe!

To stay on top of the latest PIMP Hot Potato Girl appearances, and to sign up to win a potato a day for ten years, just leave a comment below.

This contest presented by the Urban Potato Council and  their message: “Please Ingest More Potatoes.”

Worst Promotion Ideas Ever

18 02 2007

You try to start a buzz, but that clever marketing campaign is a real buzz kill. Don’t follow these stinkers into the proverbial black hole:

Buy a one week vacation at Doggy Destinations and your dog is flying to Tahiti for free! (Return trip costs may apply.)

Sign up to win a potato a day for ten years! This contest presented to kick-off the new Urban Potato ad campaign: PIMP, “Please Ingest More Potatoes.”

Subscribe today to the free Coffins Express Newsletter, The Dead Times, and you’ll automatically be entered in the first annual “Get Rid of Granny!” contest. The grand prize is lifetime room and board at The Oat Home for the Old.

Imagine the freedom of never worrying about your granny bill ever again!