Don’t let the buzzards get you down

4 03 2008

One day we’re all going to be old, if we aren’t dead already.  And then we are all going to look back at our lives, if we can remember them.  Finally, we’re going to have the time to sort out what we should have done, only it will be way too late.  So the only thing to do is to get in touch with your inner old person, now, while you still have a chance to make a change.

Every person has an old geezer living inside of them, some crotchety old jerk who’s gonna give their opinion whether you ask for it or not. You may have stuffed him, or her, into an interior mental hamper to shut them up.  But if you really want to be happy, you have to let them out so they can freely bitch and complain about the crap you’ve made of your life so far.   

Here’s what you do: Imagine yourself on your death bed for a while, and think about what you would have liked to do with your one sweet life, if you could take it all back now and live it over again.  Remember, you are about to die, which really sucks, so you must be super pissed-off about the things you didn’t get to do — I mean, I for one am probably going to be so mad by that point, I’m going to be ready kill someone, only, I’m going to be too weak to even kill a fly by then. 

Fortunately, I’m still plenty young and strong enough to kill an entire freight-load of flies if I wanted. That’s why this exercise is so amazingly worthwhile to do, if you don’t wait until too late.

Now, come back to the present.  Wow, you are so happy not to be nearly dead!  You are alive and actually years and years away from croaking of old age!  You can do stuff!  You can make changes.  The bed you’ve made of your life so far does not have to be the one you sleep in.   Do you see how that you can turn things around now?  In fact, your inner geezer demands it!!

After your inner geezer has had this chance to share this valuable lesson, it’s probably time to stuff them back down the ol’ hamper again.  You don’t need any more people in your head criticizing you.  There’s enough people outside your head ready to do that.  Remember where you stuff the old person you, though, because you always want to keep in mind where you’re really headed.  How does the saying go, live life like you get to live forever but every day’s your last chance. Something like that.   

And when other people start to mess with you, you can always bring out the old-person-you to give um an earful.  It’s good to have an old person on your side like that, because old people have a lot of experience, and when they’re right they’re so right.

The way I figure, when I’m older I’m either going to be wiser or more bitter — one or the other.  I like the wiser option.  Bitter doesn’t wear well on most people.




9 responses

6 03 2008

You make old people sound really crabby and awful. As an older person, that worries me. I hope when you are old, you become nicer than you sound right now.

Hopefully not a crochety old jerk.

8 03 2008
Big John

As my old ‘inner geezer’ is now on the ‘outside’, I have to say that being a grumpy old git is very rewarding. Take my word for it … You WILL enjoy it. 😀

11 03 2008

Dear Sand1,
Thank you for your concern, but I assure you, as a Bad Apple to the core, sounding and becoming “nice” isn’t rating super-high on my to-do list.
When I look at your picture, I figure I’m older than you, and yet you call yourself ‘older’ — that’s “what worries me,” Sand1. Can you try to be more sensitive in the future?
Back to me, and the topic of me: I was never older and more crotchedy than when I was 17 years old. From there, it just gets better, as far as I can tell.
Hope you find some nicer bloggers to spread your love on.
Bad Apple

11 03 2008

Big John,
You are too kind! I have always hoped that one day I will get wise like you, but it probably won’t be for a little while yet. I will certainly look for your tips over at

13 03 2008

Oh dear Badapple
It appears I am too late. I got in touch with my inner old person only he hasn’t a clue who I am, he keeps asking if I’m related to June who sold the Cafe and went to live in New Zealand.

23 04 2008
Old Lady Goddess

I got in touch with my old person when I was quite young & kicked the crappola our of her and told her never to return. Now that I am less than a decade from social security my inner geezer (as you so elegantly put it..) wants to ski the Alps and buy myself a new Harley – I already have the much younger husband ;o) – and never look back. The proverbial you are only as old as you feel has a lot of merit to it and being wiser now I’ve figured out how to miss the dog poop spots in life…no “geezette” life in the future for this “old” broad – bring it on!

2 05 2008

Old Lady Goddess, I’m so pleased you shared you geezer-kicking method for happiness. I for one wouldn’t relive a younger year of my life for a million dollars. Certainly, the world needs a major adjustment of how we see aging, and it sounds like you are doing you part in that.

19 06 2008

Somehow i missed the point. Probably lost in translation 🙂 Anyway … nice blog to visit.

cheers, Negligent.

29 05 2010
Richie Rucker

If only more than 78 people would hear this!

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