St. Valentine’s Day Soup for the Cannibal Chicken’s Soul

31 01 2008

Love is more-than-normally complicated for the perplexed chicken with a taste for… chicken, and the people who love them.

Cannibal chickens have mixed feelings about their double yearnings — for romantic love with another chicken on the one hand and for the gastronomic satisfaction of a barbecued breast and drumstick on the other. 

What with eating other chickens a real taboo among chickens, cannibal chickens typically must limit their romantic interest to other cannibal chickens.  This concentration of cannibal-chicken clans only serves to further distort their dietary freakishness, leading to a potential powder keg of Kentucky-fried cravings.

(Or at least so at my house.)

Anyway, until recently Valentine’s Day was a fairly lonesome affair for many a cannibal chicken who had no means of meeting other cannibal chickens for conversation, sex, or anything in between.  Until now.  Thanks to the Internet, cannibal chickens are making community like never before, on-line and off. 

Today, cannibal chicken raves and speak-easy-style singles bars (known as cluck-easy’s) are increasingly common in more chicken-dense counties.  Any fowl expert will tell you, these bird-eating birds are hooking up, hitching up, and hatching up more… cannibal chickens.

Coming up on Bad Apple in February, you’ll want to stay tuned for our super-sexy Valentines Day feature all about how some lucky cannibal chickens will be spending their V-Day at the most romantic chicken-roast for chickens you can possible imagine.  (Images of hot crackling chicken over a blazing fire and a room of revelling chicken couples toasting to romance and the growing underground cannibal-chicken-restaurant industry).

Then we’ll follow one couple out to a night of partying and dancing, including the first reports ever from inside San Francisco’s hippest cluck-easy’s.

Remember, Bad Apple is the only media outlet that provides any coverage of cannibal chickens, or that even admits they exist.

***

More future stories in the works:

What it Means to Love a Cannibal Chicken.

Cannibal Chicken Graft Gangs: Community Success Strategies.

To Dress or Not to Dress Your Cannibal Chicken, 5 FAQs

***

     Want more now?

Visit the original Chicken Soup for the Cannibal Chicken’s Soul book announcement that started it all. 

Visit all Bad Apple stories that mention the Cannibal Chickens.

 ***

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3 responses

31 01 2008
cat o' eight tails

weren’t taco bell (tm&sm&copyright) and pepsi (tm&sm&copyright) all involved with KFC (tm, etc.) in some horrible conglomerate cabal recently, till one dumped the others in some fit of corporate bottom-line jilting? if so, what kind of angle does this play in the cannibal chicken drama-rama? say, frijole-farting, pepsi-swillin’ cannibal chickens havin’ a good ol’ time as they swallow their hapless hen chunks? not exactly a hallmark ™ moment. and speaking of hallmark, check out yesterday’s national news story about the hallmark company, a holding corporation for some feedlot/farm/slaughterhouse that was torturing ill cows, much to the dismay of the humane association and the FDA (tm ?). folks got fired. there are no reports of deep space NASA photographs of cannibal chickens peckin’ away at the sad remains of human-harassed downer cows. at least not in yesterday’s national news story of the risky International Space Station spacewalk repair job. they had to realign the “space station”‘s solar, ahem, wings.
thank for all the courageous muck-raking (?) (cloaca-rakin’?) cannibal-chicken journalism, Bad Apple. you go, girl.
the foregoing comment done ENTIRELY by the hunt-and-peck method of typewriting.

31 01 2008
badapple

Cat,
Are you quite sure you aren’t a cannibal chicken? You sound just like a cannibal chicken, especially the hunt-and-peck part. In any case, you are welcome at Bad Apple. Thank you for the many thoughtful thoughts. You clearly have a brilliant way of mixing and mashing news items with cannibal chicken stories, thanks for those reports. Well, keep up the fine work, Cat-O, and never hesitate from leaving a long comment, or a short one.
Bad Apple

2 02 2008
indian matrimonials

really nice one and keep it up!

http://www.indiamatrimony.com for indian matrimonials

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