Comatose for the Holidays

2 01 2008

About sometime yesterday, my spirits began to lift inexplicably as if a dark cloud was dissipating.  Then I realized my improved mood wasn’t inexplicable at all — I was experiencing post-holiday season euphoria.  Soon I’d be back at work without so much as a Santa Claus or a Christmas tree to remind me of the darkest days of the year.

This year, I decided that the next best thing to spending Christmas in a Muslim country is to spend it working and making oodles of money without even enough time to think about the holidays and their brain-sucking processes.  But even two weeks in Morocco can’t compete with my best holiday-escewing idea ever: spending latter December in a nice, restful coma. With a little support from the public, I believe Comatose for the Holidays is a dream we can realize in this lifetime.

Imagine giving the gift of no-gifts, no parties, no memories: Give the gift of a temporary coma to your holiday-hating loved ones or even treat yourself!  Imagine slipping away from the world sometime in late November and rejoining us in early January thinner, totally rested, and without having spent a mint on senseless junk.

Forget about pesky New Years plans – the pressure to have fun, fun, fun.  There is nothing more fun than sleeping through the worst time of the year and waking up a million times better off than everyone facing the new year ravaged by holiday expectations. 

So what do you say folks?  Do I have any takers for Comatose for the Holidays?  We can make it a time share, and offer services for other unpleasant times.  Imagine the convenience of being able to tell your boss/judge/spouse: “But I was in a coma.”

I highly recommend you get in on the bottom floor of this up and coming enterprise in the brand new Good Excuse Industry.

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