Holidays: A Timeless Pull Down the Year’s Drain

16 12 2007

Holidays rarely if ever thrill me, but why do the end of the year “festivities” have to drag on for months, dooming an otherwise perfectly-good cold dark miserable season?  Isn’t it bad enough old father time went from infancy to dodderdom in one little year, and that we have get our tax crap tied up on top of all the melty moments at parties to endure, pre-paid in one of the season’s thousand ridiculously-long lines.  Where in the world do all these folks come from this time of year, and why are they all in my grocer’s parking lot? Just one of the many mysteries of the season.  

Then there’s the office party, a political obstacle course that you run with several deviled eggs balancing on the end your plate; the endless wondering over what to get who and who to get anything; the forced time together with the strangers you haven’t seen since the last holiday (ie your “family”); in other words, the pure fun of the season.

If the stress of the holidays gets you down, well, hey, there’s always some time-tested holiday entertainment to get you out of your funk.  Only unfortunately, you’ve seen the Nutcraker about fourteen hundred times too many, and you aren’t under 18, so probably none of the holiday entertainment will actually appeal to you. Oh well.  There’s always the bars to hit, as long as they don’t force you to join in singing Christmas carols.  Can’t there be a law against that? 

As for me, even though I really can’t stand Thanksgiving above all, I lately have found it’s important to look for things to be thankful for in the world.  Why? Because otherwise I start to grow so hellashiosly negative and nasty that people begin to treat me like a social canker sore, and that is the last thing I need as the dark days start to crowd my head-space.  So I’m damn grateful to have at least one thing to be awfully grateful about this time of year, and that is the best holiday movie ever, hell, probably the best holiday anything ever: Bad Santa.  Man, that’s one funny flick!

So as you might imagine, I’ll be enjoying a little much-needed downtime this holiday season, just me, Hank and the cannibal chickens.  I’m trying to turn them on to Tofurky, as part of my new year resolution to reduce the monthly household guilt bill.  I can’t keep running to KFC at 3 am all the time.  If I see one more chicken bucket full of chicken-scoured chicken bones I swear, I’m gonna be sick.

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