Jesus: “I’m Coming Back as the iPhone”

11 07 2007

iHave a confession to make. iCould care less about the iPhone.  Actually, caring any less about the iPhone would require me to care about not caring, so actually, as it turns out I couldn’t care less after all.

iKnow I’m a loser for it because iKnow the iPhone is really great. iKnow it’s going to bring about world peace and nirvana for the masses and a round of top-shelf screaming orgasms for all, but iStill can’t bring myself to care about the iPhone.  I’m just a selfish ass trying to pay my rent. If iReally cared, I’d pay twice the asking price for my iPhone and if it didn’t work, I’d get on my knees and thank God and King Jobs for my broken iPhone, which is so many worlds better than no iPhone at all.

Then I’d go back to scavenging the toxic waste dump for dinner.  Life is good, business is freaking fantastic, and iPhones are really the second coming of Christ. 

What, you didn’t know about the missing page in The Bible where Jesus says: “I’m coming back as the iPhone”?  What backward Luddite version of The Bible you been reading, sister?

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One response

12 07 2007
arnoldthemethodical

iagree, but I had better check out the screaming orgasms for myself.

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