Cannibal Chicken Stories for Cannibal Chickens’ Souls

7 07 2007

Here’s a few samples from the new book, Chicken Soup for the Cannibal Chicken’s Soul, previously announced here on Bad Apple.

It started with a disgarded McNugget, the cruel one threw it and laughed when I ate it.  I didn’t understand then.  I was eating my own kind.  And boy, did it taste good…. –by Never Looked Back

Here’s part of a piece we call “Pecky’s Story”

I was a mean kid. I’d peck and peck at my mates, until one day they found a KFC drumstick and locked me in a coop with it alone until I ate it.  They thought it would teach me something — it did: to crave KFC like nothing else…

From the chapter on Groups:

I was in a gang of chickens, we’d hang out in back of Pollo Loco.  We were sick freaks, we’d intimidate the staff into giving up some of that barbequed chicken. They’d throw it out the door and we’d tear into it like a pack of hyenas. Yeah, those were the days…. –by Tito

Of course, the chickens in the chicken commercials are the ultimate chicken cannibals, so of course there’s a chapter by one of them.  Carl the Commercial Chicken writes:

I know it’s a little wierd, me being a chicken and making a bundle off of dead chickens.  But it’s not that wierd, really, because, well, it’s only chicken! So who cares? You eat chicken, I eat chicken.  I sell chicken.  I am a chicken.  So what?  It’s all good….

Today it’s harder than ever to be a chicken cannibal, so please be nice to chicken cannibals and please buy this book, a portion of which will go to chicken cannibal rehabilitation.

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6 responses

7 07 2007
distorted

Wow, any puns in that Penis-Growth paragraph?

7 07 2007
badapple

What are you suggesting, that I deserve to be punished?

7 07 2007
distorted

Not at all. I was wondering if I was sick or if those puns were intended. Apparently both are true.

8 07 2007
badapple

distorted – It occurs to me that maybe you’re really a cannibal chicken — have you checked lately?

17 10 2007
thedancingarmadillo

Aren’t chicken nuggets made mostly of fish? A cannibal chicken, cute. So, nice to see the chicken soup books parodied, they drive me crazy, mostly because all of the stories are so maudlin and intentionally tragic and sad.

16 11 2007
badapple

Thanks, Dancing Armadillo. Something about your sentence structure, though, requires me to ask if you might also be part cannibal chicken?

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