Guns & Stubble: NRA Hippy Chicks Are HoT!

25 01 2007

Have you seen the leaked NRA graphic novel about how the only thing between us and a no-meat hippy-gang-bang Armageddon is our Saturday Night Specials? I swear, the people behind this incredibly original work are just the type who are going to put genuine satirists right out of business.

How on earth is a struggling latter-day Jonathan Swift supposed to trump the outlandish crap that gets published by people who, by definition, place themselves in the “serious” column. It almost makes me want to hang up my satirists’ hat and go running, screaming into the night. I can’t even say this rant is original.

On a side note, I have to admit, I really dig the hairy legs on the hippy from hell chick on page 11. Doesn’t the NRA know that all us Burkenstock-wearin’ bitches need is a little tweaking to turn us into happy, hot-mama gun molls?

(I thought the artist rendered her stubbled legs in a real Robert Crumb-esque style, and even the fact they chopped her head out of the picture reminds me of one of Crumb’s cartoons about a headless chick. It’s hard to imagine the NRA borrowing from Crumb’s style book, but there she is.)

You know, I happen to really like the Bill of Rights, but I’m a bit concerned about the Second Amendment. You see, I thought the point of Arming Bears was to keep our government from turning into colonizing idiots who citizens are powerless to defend themselves against — you know, the way the British treated us Yanks in the times leading up to our fabulous American Revolution.

Here is what doesn’t jibe: What, we have the right to protect ourselves with antiquated killing technologies, while our government is constantly coming up with new-fangled ways to murder and maim? Why get so hot about the right to keep your ancient, ineffective kill machine when government is right now making a Ray Gun that when pointed at you and turned on, will make you feel like you are on fire? Speaking of fire, need I mention Waco here?

Why isn’t the NRA arguing that we have the right to our own Ray Guns, that we have a right to all the stuff government is using on people around the world? We have a right to our own private nuclear arsenals, dammit. I mean, not that I think that’s a good idea, I’m just pointing out some flaws in the whole NRA agenda.

Because when you have a heavily-armed contingent, like NRA supporters are, you just hope they are clear thinkers, don’t you? You just want them to be clear about a lot of stuff. Is it asking too much that the heavily-armed among us stick to a clear and common-sense logic? I don’t think so.




Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: