2006: A Great Year for Pepper Spray

22 12 2006

The Home-Security Christmas Tree
One of the glorious things I did in 06 was to invest in some serious pepper spray. I’m talking two million burning-hot Scoville units of pure, pain-causing irritant. You know, a little harmless self-defense around the hood. I’ve never been a victim of violent crime, but ever since I joined the neighbors’ crimewatch email list I get to hear about all sorts of bad haps in my hood, so a girl’s got to get her spray on just to get her day on, I’m telling you. Dang!

So I find out at the all-things-self-defense Website, you know, Pepper Spray-R-Us, that I don’t have to settle for an old-fashioned keychain canister of blistering cayenne heat. Nowadays, they make all manner of pain-causing chemical defense product. I’m talking pepper spray pagers, mace cell phones, anti-loser lipsticks—everything!

Earlier this year, Hank and I got quite a kick out of coming up with a few of our own stealth devices to counter the crime wave. You see, the main thing anyone wants to steal in Oakland are carry-out items, like cameras and laptops. I mean, they are probably selling them for $5 down the street, and who wants to have to drag a big desktop device away? (Although, as reported on the neighbor’s crimewatch list, one well-known burglar was frequently seen lugging desktops around on foot that he had apparently stolen – hey, to be fair, the city of Oakland is hiring cops just as fast as they can.) That’s where the idea for having an Exploding Pepper-Spray Laptop came from.

Anyway, with Christmas here, and crime again on the rise in the hood, I think we need something a little more… seasonal.

Introducing, the Exploding Pepper-Spray Christmas Tree, with Special Santa-Setting!
Don’t let Christmas be ruined by the criminals! Get your Pepper-Spray Christmas Tree and then, when the criminals come a-calling, you’ll watch them run away a-howling – on the video from your fake Elvis statue nanny cam, of course!

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