Passwords Piss Me Off

3 02 2007

My life in passwords recently spiraled out of control and went crashing through the infobahn guard rail in a fiery heap. I lost a little contol over the paperwork, started blogging, next thing you know, I’m traveling at the speed of light toward unadulterated chaos, not a clue for a code word to save my life.

Once upon a time, I enjoyed a moderate amount of control over my passwords. I always used the same ones over and over, so I would just start putting in my favorites. Eventually, I would find the right one. Life was simpler then.

One day I read how screwed I would be if someone figured out my bleeding passwords. They could clear out my accounts, erase my blog, and do irreversible damage to things that I would definitely freak out about. Ever since, I’ve found myself making up the most esoteric passwords imaginable. Nobody in a million years would guess them, and the least likely to guess them, as it turns out, would be me.

It started with a misplaced account name or two, but rapidly the problem picked up speed like a snow ball, carrying off bits and pieces of my well-being as it went. Now I’ve lost all control in the password realm. I find myself having to get new passwords regularly. Sometimes, I have to get a new one on the email account so I can get a new one on some other account that I really need. I told you I have a problem.

What the hell are we supposed to do with our passwords anyway? Write them down so a loved one finds them and reads our private emails? Lock them up so you don’t have them conveniently nearby? How about the “remember me at this computer” button? Have you ever put in the wrong password and had it be the one the computer remembers for you? Talk about screwed.

And anyway, there is no faster way to mark your password for oblivion than to select the “remember me” button. Without regular use, there is no way you will remember your password. You might as well punt it into the largest nearby body of water you can find, set it in your blender on high, or simply light it afire.

Now it seems that the number of sites that require you to have a password are multiplying. If you follow where this is headed, you will soon need to have a password to fart. Imagine the stress of that! We need to nip this password proliferation in the bud. This is an aging population here, people, and no one is getting any better at remembering stuff.

I suspect there is some simple method for keeping and remembering one’s passwords, only no one wants to share it. The rest of us might figure out their secret words, so these password savants simply let us settle into our early-onset senility. Because today it may be forgotten passwords, but after that sucks one’s confidence dry, leaving an esteem-free rind of a former human, it’s only a matter of time before one loses control of the other human faculties-being able to feed oneself, converse, even drive! I’ve lived long enough to know that losing even just one thing usually results in a cascade of oversights, misplacements, repurchases, and all manner of fucktitude.

Well it turns out, a few other folks are rant-ravin’ mad about password, too. Like try Killer Rant’s password rant on for size. Yeah, passwords piss me off.


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3 responses

19 02 2007
Mary

I totally agree. I hate needing passwords. I hate having to remember them, change them, create them, use them….all of it! Have you submitted that rant to the newspapers? It has universal appeal. I’d publish it if I had a newspaper.

Hey, Lakeview has a newsletter, maybe we could have guest articles for it!

Our next meeting is next Saturday at 11:30….I’ll ask the “email newletter” man.

Keep going, Alison!!!

16 08 2007
Financer

That\\\\\\\’s very interesting. I hope to read more later.

10 10 2008
An Extraordinary Flow of Sass « Bad Apple

[...] you really hate passwords, or maybe your democracy was secretly replaced with Folgers Crystal coffee, Tee [...]

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