2006: A Great Year for Pepper Spray

One of the glorious things I did in 06 was to invest in some serious pepper spray. I’m talking two million burning-hot Scoville units of pure, pain-causing irritant. You know, a little harmless self-defense around the hood. I’ve never been a victim of violent crime, but ever since I joined the neighbors’ crimewatch email list I get to hear about all sorts of bad haps in my hood, so a girl’s got to get her spray on just to get her day on, I’m telling you. Dang!

So I find out at the all-things-self-defense Website, you know, Pepper Spray-R-Us, that I don’t have to settle for an old-fashioned keychain canister of blistering cayenne heat. Nowadays, they make all manner of pain-causing chemical defense product. I’m talking pepper spray pagers, mace cell phones, anti-loser lipsticks—everything!

So Bad

I realize I haven’t really been bad enough for you to understand the Bad Apple nomer.  Please, I’m just getting started here, and there are going to be a few burps and spit ups along the way, that’s just how things work. 
Seeing as I’m still working out this whole raison d’blog, I thought I would share with you my award-winning story about a creepy copywriter who is ready and willing to sell you on the next big alien invasion.  I think it goes a long way toward explaining where the “bad” concept fits in. Okay, here she blows.

Bad Apple Sick

Sorry to report, Bad Apple is out with a bad cold today. She can barely lift a feather to get a cat to play over here at the Cat Palace, where she is home being “sick.”  Also, it’s real cold and rainy out.  Just the kind of day to build a sheet fort, crawl in, and revert to being eight years old.  Don’t worry, though, cause she’s got Hank and cats in attendance to bring her all the Chinese happy pills she could ever want.

Introducing Herman Panther

This is an early shot of Herman Panther that captures not only his incredible bloodthirst, but also shows that his fur shines blue just like in the comic strips.  Don’t let his apparent adorableness fool you, Herman is a no-nonsense drill sergeant of a cat who demands a lot of attention to keep himself in top form.  Although he will not hunt for your toes while you sleep, like his brother in arms Brody, Herman has been known to bop his humans on the face when necessary to keep them in line.  It’s okay, really, the global writing clientele completely understand when the writer shows up with four tiny fresh claw marks on her cheek bone.  Someone has to save Bad Apple from herself every now and again, and Herman P is nothing if not up to the job!

Don’t Boar Me

Okay, I was going to upload this pensive shot of me up on the header, just to see what it looked like.  But there were two rolls of film on that CD, so instead of me, this guy with tusks pops up.  After I laughed my ass off, I couldn’t very well take him down, at least not right away.  Something about that “wild” Boar fit right in with the whole Bad Apple theme.  It’s actually a zoo Boar, but I still wouldn’t want to meet it late at night in a dark alley.  Get a load of those tusks!  Yeah, for now, it’s a keeper.  Hank took this shot, by the way. Do you think he could have been any farther away when he took it?  Ever heard of a little thing called “zooming-in”??

Bad Apple Says “Hello World”

Yowza, I’m off & blogging! Hello indeed world, and welcome to Bad Apple, where you’ll read all the rot that’s fit to, well, not exactly print, but, you know, travel around as data to various strangers. Boy do we ever need to work on this e-language problem. We need more new words, and fortunately, Bad Apple is like a new-word nursery. We’ll be making up new words, covering extremely important developments as they randomly filter through the cider, and otherwise be of incredible valuble service to the human race. What, no spell check in WordPress? — yes, this is going to be new word city.

[Note: Bad Apple eventually found the spell check in WordPress, thank goodness, and she really needs to get going on the new words as promised.  Sorry about that.  3/3/07]